I haven't told anyone of my immediate family the exact nature of this, not because I'm ashamed or worried about their opinions, but rather because I'm not interested in them. I could exhaust myself trying to justify what I'm doing to my mother, and hear her well-intentioned worries and cautions ad nauseum, but I simply don't have the energy to devote to it. I'm spending all my energy making this work, and it is, and it's great. Why should I stress about explaining myself?
Someday I'll stand next to Brendon, and someone will say, "Kiss the bride," and I will kiss him. And then I will rush over to Jeremy, standing on the groom's side, and I will kiss him just as hard. And the audience will be confused. And then I'll explain it to my mom, and when she says, "It won't work, it'll never last", I can simply end the conversation with, "It does, and it has."
So that's why I haven't been explicit with it, except to Katrina and Brian, and the other people who are here in town. But I'm being explicit now, because for those of you who do still read this (pretty much just Brock at the moment, unless I have lurkers I don't know about), your opinions are important to me, and I want to be clear about my intentions, because I am proud of them.
I love them both. They are both here with me and they will stay, and I will love them both in every way that I can.
Yes, I love walking down the street with an arm around both of them. Makes me feel like a pimp. Who wouldn't love that?
Yes, I love having them both in my house. They are wonderful to watch together, and their friendship brightens my life merely by being present in it. I don't have to be a participant in that; I love simply to see it.
Yes, I love Brendon still. Of course I do. In fact, this has only made me love him more, because now he's happy like he never has been before, he's bright and sparking with energy and beautiful because his best friend is here, and I feel so privileged to be with him, for his forbearance and his patience, and his willingness to make this work.
Yes, I love making love with Jeremy. He's great in bed, what can I say. It's new and different and makes my sex life with Brendon new and different too. Not to mention when we all end up in bed together, which I'm going to just leave to all of your fertile imaginations. I'm sure you can understand my enjoyment of that.
Yes, I love Jeremy. As I've stated before, having him here has been far easier than I was prepared to accept, and has changed my life in exactly the way I think it needed to be changed.
So there it is. What we're doing is unusual, and beautiful, and it's working. It's working because we love each other and want it to work, and when I think about these two beautiful boys and how generous they are with themselves and their love and one another, I feel the urge to fall to my knees. I feel humbled as I never have before, dumbstruck with gratitude for the strange angels I seem to have been lucky enough to catch. Love and peace and hope fills me, and I am whole. We are whole, my peculiar fambly.
Labels: Brendon, Jeremy, Love, Polyamory
posted by Rivaine # 1:08 AM 
