This morning feels raw and wrong beyond reason... I know he's coming back, and soon, and that this pain is illogical, but apparently someone down in my throat, and another rebellious peon under my ribs, are both away from their desks and haven't gotten the memo. My body is numb from the neck down; my head is agonizingly not. I'm squashing irrational impulse after irrational impulse, and not squashing some of them, like what I'll be doing in a few minutes--returning to bed at this ungodly hour to see if there's a space that's still warm from his skin. For the next few days I'll be intolerable, I'm sure, so I hope you'll all excuse me... but more than likely I'll be discovering fragments, little things he deliberately forgot, like breadcrumbs to lead him back to me... but starving as I am already, I fear I'll devour these crumbs as I find them, and then leave no path, no reminder of the way. But he can hear my voice regardless, and when the time comes I'll walk and call and bring him back where he belongs by will alone if necessary.
This sadness seems so ignoble and ungrateful in the wake of all the happiness, everything he's given me this week. But I can't help it. My selfish, greedy heart demands forever with no hiatus. When I've quieted its cries some, I'll share the happiness too... but for now this is what I have. Forgive me.

If the world could fall apart
In a fiction-worthy wind
I wouldn't change a thing now that you're here...
Love is a verb here in my room.


Judged: Neutral
QOR:
50% evil, 50% good.

Labels: Brendon, Missing You