Dear Julia:
I miss you.
I couldn't say why I have such an attachment to you already. To the idea of you, even. I believe it is because you represent so many things to me. You are representative of my success, of the things I want to accomplish, because I won't bring you into this world until I'm certain I can give you the kind of life I want for you. You're representative of my growth, as well, because I don't want to try to be your mother until I know that I can be the kind of mother I want to be, until I'm at peace with myself and the things I do and want to do. I believe that you will make me that way as well... having you, loving you, you needing me, will make me some of the things I want to be. So you are very dear to me already, for all of these reasons.
Sometimes I ache to have you here, as acutely as if I knew what it was to miss you. I wish I could come into the room and have you throw down with me at Smash Bros. You will be as good as your daddy or better, and will beat all of us at the age of six. And Jeremy will call you Thunderhead and make sure that the first book you ever read will be The Gunslinger.
I want to brush your hair. I want to make dinner for you and put you to bed and get you out of bed and watch you play Baldur's Gate. My girl, you are everything to me already. Julia Regina Glasse, I'm waiting for you. For the day when I deserve you.
I love you, baby.
